


New Normal

by Nad98



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Comfort, Fluff, Kissing, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25824076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nad98/pseuds/Nad98
Summary: Finding a new normal was hard.Especially, when the ones you always had around you, the ones you always could turn to, had asked you to give them some space. When the Prince insisted that he was not ready to go back and joke with you, to be on your side whenever you needed him. When the Teacher was willing to accept your apology but could not bring himself to forgive you just yet, even if he said otherwise. When the Emo told you that he still loved you but could not understand how you could have chosen to side with the Snake of all sides.Yes, finding a new normal was hard.And Patton was bad at finding this new normal.Requested by sammy-is-obsessed on Tumblr.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	New Normal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sammy_is_obsessed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammy_is_obsessed/gifts).



> You can listen to New Normal [here](https://soundcloud.com/nada-st-50573248/new_normal-wav)^^

Finding a new normal was hard.

Especially, when the ones you always had around you, the ones you always could turn to, had asked you to give them some space. When the Prince insisted that he was not ready to go back and joke with you, to be on your side whenever you needed him. When the Teacher was willing to accept your apology but could not bring himself to forgive you just yet, even if he said otherwise. When the Emo told you that he still loved you but could not understand how you could have chosen to side with the Snake of all sides.

Yes, finding a new normal was hard.

And Patton was bad at finding this new normal.

The first few days, after the wedding Patton had worried how his three kiddos would be able to deal with it and where they would go to to get their support, their advice, if not to him. It turned out that they went to each other. Their relationships bloomed and almost every night the two following weeks after the whole ordeal he had heard how two out of the three met up in Logan’s or Roman’s room.

And Patton was proud. So proud. Really. His boys supported each other and made each other feel better. Roman’s smile was more genuine than it had been in months, Logan was rambling about all the things he found interest again and Virgil stood a little less hunched than he had in a long time.

Patton really was proud.

But he also was lonely. He knew they needed space and he knew he needed it too. Even if they had turned to him, he would not have been able to help them. His head was still heavy and his guts squirming with guilt over what he had made Thomas feel and do just to be “just”, to be “good”. What he had the others go through just because of it.

What he had made himself go through.

He knew he should have asked for help or an input. Maybe talk to Logan more, maybe give Roman more reassurance for what he was creating. Maybe he should have talked to Virgil about why he had disliked him babying so much and what had happened between him and Janus.

And maybe he should have tried to understand Remus better.

But these were maybes and they were in the past. A place Patton liked to live in, but well. It was not the place he was now.

Now, it was 3:24 in the morning and he sat on a bar stool in the dark in the living room eating cookies and drinking milk, while trying not to cry too loudly.

He didn’t believe he did the best job, but it was late enough for Virgil and Roman not to be up anymore, so he could risk it, he thought. He did not want to hide his pain, not entirely at least. But right now, his kiddos needed time and he didn’t know how to interact with them, without burdening them and hurting them with his own messy feelings.

His feelings which were loud and ugly and confusing. All the things he disliked about Remus, which scared him about Remus, were the things he hated about himself and he knew that that was actually his problem with Remus not the actual contributions the Duke wanted to bring into Thomas’s projects.

Patton was trying to accept these flaws. Those feelings, which were not nice and good. He had looked for books to read about it and Janus had been so kind to lend him a few out of his own collection. Janus had also been so kind to sit with him when he had dinner and lunch, while the others ate earlier or later.

Janus had checked in with him quite frequently, asked him how he was doing and – well it led to a whole different set of problems. 

A mushy feeling in his stomach kind of problem. A fluttering heart kind of problem. An instantly-feeling-better-and-smiling-as soon-as-he-saw-him kind of problem.

And it really was a problem. Not that Patton was too surprised. Janus and he had always had a complicated but close relationship. Even back when Janus still had been hiding the others, Patton had never hated him. He knew he had his space just like he had his even if he didn’t understand why Janus needed to lie so often. Why he tempted Thomas to do so. And because of those temptations he had to remind Thomas often what was the right thing to do and afterwards got into discussions with Janus.

He never seemed to take him seriously though. He acted as if Patton was too naïve, too pure to understand how important it was for Thomas to hide sometimes. To be selfish. The truth was; Patton was neither. He knew that Thomas needed to look after himself. This was why he wanted Thomas to learn to cook. To learn more basic skills so he could rely on himself more and not constantly needed to ask for help. He just never quite got that he also had to learn more mental health skills.

Patton never saw the gravity of the whole situation and that was not because he was naïve or pure; it was because he didn’t want it to be true. Because he could not admit to himself that maybe he couldn’t keep Thomas going on his own (despite being the one to always tell the others that they needed to work together).

And in all of this turmoil Janus had turned up. Looked at him with different eyes, took him seriously and offered help. And Patton was scared. Scared that his kiddos would hate him if they knew he liked Janus. Scared they would hate him for wanting to be with him.

Scared that maybe Patton just imagined those feelings because he was just so desperate for a connection and manipulated Janus or maybe himself into some sort of relationship, which would hurt both of them.

And of course, scared of rejection, would Janus ever find out.

But then again… How much worse could it get? He was sitting on an uncomfortable barstool in the dead of the night eating cookies. It could not possibly get worse than that, could it?

The light in the kitchen was switched on.

Shocked Patton slowly looked towards the kitchen entrance and saw a dishevelled looking Janus standing in the doorframe. It almost looked like he had been crying as well.

“You ought to be kidding me,” Patton heard Janus mumble and swallowed his last bite from the cookie.

Stiffly Patton conjured himself a tissue, blew his nose and then slid down the chair to turn entirely towards his scaled … friend.

“I guess, great minds think alike?” Patton uttered half-heartedly unable to not fake a smile.

Janus huffed, half hid his face behind his hands and looked to the side.

“But fools seldom differ,” Patton heard Janus mumble and turn around.

And Patton panicked a little. Janus was about to go, to leave him and act as if they had never seen each other in such a state and Patton could not have that. Could not go back to before. Didn’t want to go back to before.

So, he reached his arm out, without ever touching Janus and begged: “Wait! I – Please stay. I know, I’ve asked too much of you already, but I don’t want to be left alone anymore. I want to talk. Really talk and I know that is a stupid thing to do at 3 o’clock in the morning but I still want to. If you don’t that is okay. You have your own thing and stress and I don’t want to burden you with my stuff… And I’m willing to listen, if you want to. I can do that too. I’m sure it can’t be easy…”

And Janus just stared for a moment. Then he pinched the bridge of his nose and turned to the cabinet where they kept their wine. Wordlessly, he pulled out a bottle and conjured a wine glass.

“Let’s go sit somewhere more comfortable,” Janus said and led them into the living room.

Patton followed silently and watched Janus sitting down on the couch and pour himself a glass of wine. Despite the tenseness of the deceitful side Patton admired the control in his movements, let his eyes trace along the movements of his arms and-

“Darn,” Patton muttered with a breathless laugh, pushed his glasses up and rubbed his eyes.

Janus stopped himself from taking a sip and Patton waved at him to wait a little longer. With a cough he caught himself and then smiled a little awkwardly.

“I think I need to say this, while we’re still sober so… I know it’s not smart nor the right timing. I get that you feel bad and this won’t help in any way at all and I don’t want to say this to make you feel you better and I don’t think it will make you feel better but… I like you. _Like_ like you.”

Patton thought that Janus now would drop the glass and sink out on him. He was very certain he would. He would have understood.

But instead Janus blinked twice and then emptied his glass, refilled it and told Patton with a flat voice: “Sit down.”

And Patton sat down.

Janus gave him the wine glass.

“Drink this because I cannot possibly say this, when we are still sober.”

And Patton took a big sip and scrunched his nose. That one wasn’t that good, he just thought and then met eyes with Janus again, who suddenly looked terribly nervous.

“I found myself having… similar feelings for you. And hearing you telling me this does _not_ make me feel better at all.”

And then Patton chucked down the rest of the glass and poured the next one. He handed it to Janus, who took a big sip and then gave it back to him.

Patton sniffed his nose. He glanced over to Janus. He looked so tired. He always did. The suave tone he put on so often and the gallant way he presented himself in never could hide it completely. Not from Patton at least.

“Are you afraid that Remus finds out?” Patton asked ever so quietly after taking a little sip.

Janus chuckled watery.

“I don’t know if it even matters at this point. He’s still mad at me for what I said to Roman. For calling him the evil twin and making the whole gap between him and Roman even bigger and- I cannot lose him… He’s all I had for so long and I-”

“You cannot exchange him for me. I understand. I’ve been cruel to him and I cannot expect him to ever forgive me for it.”

Janus looked to Patton. He was being honest. Janus put his left hand on Patton’s right.

“I don’t know if he can’t. He might. The others certainly will forgive you Patton. I know they will. I see you getting better and they certainly do too.”

Patton had barely heard him. The touch had caught him off guard and send a mushy warmth through his whole system, which almost had prevented him from answering.

“Thank you. I’m trying, I really am. And,” Patton stopped and after a moment of hesitation brought his other hand up to Janus’s face and turned it softly towards himself.

Patton felt Janus shiver from the touch. He gave him a moment and as he did not pull back, Patton smiled softly and traced up Janus’s scaled cheek. With his thumb he circled over the cool scales and felt Janus leaning into it.

“I’m sure we can show them all how wonderful you are. Even I can see it and I don’t have 20/20 vision.”

Janus smirked at the comment and Patton felt his chest filling with warmth.

“I don’t know, how you can be this optimistic,” Janus said softly mocking but without malice. “I don’t have too many wonderful traits, do I?”

“Oh, don’t get me started, Mister,” Patton whispered giggly and inched a little closer to Janus. “Just besides your beautifully vibrant eyes, great posture and stunning smile I could list so much more. Your intelligence for starters. Your way of explaining things to me and how satisfied and cheery you look when you get your point across. The way you look when you realise that your metaphors don’t work and how you pout when someone points it out to you.”

“H-hey!”

Patton laughed and gently leaned his forehead against Janus’s. He felt how Janus’s breath slightly hiccupped and his face flushed. Just as much as his own did.

“And I love your humour. I love it. I love the jokes and how you deliver them. I love the feeling I have when I’m with you. I love this happiness I feel right now.”

“Might be the alcohol.”

“Might be the alcohol,” Patton hummed but Janus knew that was a lie.

Gingerly Janus brought his lips closer to Patton’s and watched Patton close his eyes and in response closed his. Then he closed the gap between them.

Sleepily, Janus and Patton ended the soft kiss and Janus nestled his head onto Patton’s shoulder. Patton put his arms tightly around Janus and leaned his head against the top of Janus’s.

“You didn’t manipulate me into this,” Janus said gently and snuggled up a little more.

“How did you…?” Patton asked his eyes almost shutting.

But the slight tremble from Janus’s giggle keeps him awake as Janus answers: “I’ve seen you a lot. And I see the way you hide the smallest signs of self-doubt in your face at all times. I’d much rather see your silly smile directed at me more often. Silly and happy and just carefree. I’d like that a lot better. Would be great self-care for me and you.”

“Would you, now?” Patton whispered with a grin and his eyes closed for the night.

And just a moment later Janus followed him into the land of dreams.

___

When Virgil went into the living room in the morning, he had not expected to be met with Remus sitting crisscrossed a few feet away from the couch and staring at the tangled mess that sleeping Janus and Patton were.

The Duke looked over his shoulder and they just stared at each other for a moment before Virgil walked up to him and stood next to him for the next few minutes.

Then there came Logan and Roman almost at the same time. Logan took the almost empty wine bottle and the empty glass standing on the coffee table, while Roman took Patton’s glasses off and tucked them in in a blanket. Wordlessly, the four had a conversation, Virgil stretched his hand out for Remus and the Duke pulled himself back on his feet and the four walked into the kitchen.

Virgil made coffee and Roman toasted some bread for all of them. Logan and Remus meanwhile put away the remains of Patton’s cookie disaster. In a strange sense of truce, they all stood against different counters of the kitchen and ate the first meal in the morning.

And then eventually, Logan sighed, looked through the round and said to the three others: “Well, let’s talk about the new normal, those two saps have established tonight.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this litte oneshot Sammy^^ I thought it would be shorter but here we go I guess😂😅


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